it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
