Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
a search helicopter?!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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