how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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