Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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