So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
