he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
