Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
