Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
