Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
