I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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