I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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