just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
