While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
