I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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