so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
