last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
3 2 1 whiskey
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
