last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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