I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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