Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
