I hate all girls vehemently.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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