Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
