Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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