yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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