I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
