I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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