I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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