fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
