Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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