I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
