I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize