1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
