He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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