I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
