you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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