After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
it was like eating out sand paper
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
