Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
