If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
