She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Randomize
