We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
