Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
is wine microwaveable?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize