Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
