having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
