I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
