For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
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You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
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