I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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