Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
