I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
