i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
