walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
