your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
