just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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