Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
