I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
