Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
