I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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