i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
