tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
