Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
