I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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