hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
