sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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