I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
