It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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