Your tits are I can't wait for
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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