I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Randomize
