My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
