smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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