apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I can feel your judgement through the phone
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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