dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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