I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
