my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
