Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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