you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
