so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
