I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i drank out of a bidet.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
