We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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