i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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