she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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