You made me cry and you don't even care
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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